Challenges to Being happy

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Comment by Joy on December 30, 2008 at 4:09pm

Thanks for your kind comments Callie... so nice to be understood ... Hey! and now you can tell your fiends to come here for a 'quick fix' instead of doing it all yourself! Have a break on me ... hee hee

Comment by Callie on December 30, 2008 at 3:48pm

Thank you so much, Joy, for sharing your story with us all. I completely understand how you felt all those years and yet I DO have to laugh because I'm always the one who people turn to when they are sad, or need to feel better about themselves! x

Comment by Joy on November 25, 2008 at 11:53am

I always wanted to be happy. I don't really know anyone that doesn't. But I was sad for much of my life. Actually I didn't feel that way for the first 25 to 30 years. I played the clown, was the life and soul of the party ..... but it was to make others happy, to cheer them up, to help them out of their sadness and depression. I guess looking back, deep down it was really so that I wouldn't be rejected or so that I would be accepted although I wasn't really aware of that at the time.

But then came a 'crunch' point and I started to face my emptiness. I had lost touch with who I really was. I had been only what other people saw me as.... no wonder I felt a crushing defeat whenever anybody didn't like me.

From this moment on the healing process began and so did the tears. All my inner emptiness and loneliness, grief, carrying the family shame and much more just flooded out, wave after wave. I cried every day for over 7 years and sometimes didn't even know what I was crying for. Then it started to lessen. Once a week, then once a month.

During this time I used the practice of mindfulness and meditation and inner journey work. I started to become stronger from within. I found my 'inner child' and nurtured her. She was afraid to be excited and joyful. As if it wasn't allowed... maybe she would be punished for taking delight in herself and her surroundings. Maybe the family would think she was being disloyal by not grieving like they were.

And then I found a way to let go of carrying this burden of family sadness. Using energy therapy and inner guided visualisation 'journeys' I found myself opening into A NEW WAY OF BEING and I started to be really, truly and consistently happy for the first time in my life.

I started to enjoy the wonderful beauty of nature, the beautiful colours of autumn, the earthy smells of grass and other foliage, breathtakingly beautiful pure blue skies. The exquisite delicate soft white petals of a newly opened flower. The palpable warmth of love and support coming towards me from the people I love...

And as I opened into this higher natural vibration the happiness spread, like a magnificent yet very soft and fine wave of gratitude, lifting up my heart in appreciation of so many things, small and large in my daily life and interactions.

I have now come home to true happiness and it wells up from inside, overflowing naturally outwards without fear and with a feeling of pure and abundant joy.

Of course I still sometimes fall into old patterns and have a tear or two now and again but the ground of my being is very definitely rooted in the Abundance of God which I now realise is always here, always has been, always will be ... and which just needed me to strip away the dark layers that had been covering it up all those years ... which made the reunion all the more sweet and delightful.

Praise be to God

With Love
Joy